I planned to go to a friend's night out but honestly, I just can't bring myself to "try and have fun" when I am feeling this anxiety. My feelings are real, not an excuse, I am sorry, but I do feel stuff, too. I love 'em and I am sure they will understand, eventually, after the disappointment. I am emotionally (and physically) tired and just want to veg for awhile. I guess I should clue them in on whats going on with me? I will soon but feel they have their own emotional stuff to deal with, as its been a rough year for them....
So, tonight was very difficult. I came to terms with how scared I am and how serious this could turn out to be...cried & freaked out a lot :(
It all started when I read another incredible blog of a man, Father and husband with stage lV Melanoma. His mole before removal resembled mine. I feared I waited too long on this. I should have made that appt last year when my doctor said to!
The part that really upset me is his wife took over the blog in the end, as he didnt make it, he fought a hard almost two year battle of this nasty cancer but it was just too invasive :(
I have read many blogs of Melanoma survivors and many of those who passed away but this guy's blog just punched me right in the gut tonight. Seeing his mole posted before all of his surgery was what really hit me.
Not many blogs show their original moles before the biopsy, probably because they never thought they would have to start a blog about it, so never took pics. They might never realized a mole could be cancerous and deadly until after their biopsies.
His was a small little odd mole as mine. Looked extremely similar to mine, which has panicked me. Its hard to believe something as small as this can kill.
I feel family and friends just dont understand how serious it can be. Its a potential deadly cancer if it turns out to be malignant and not caught in time. People think that one's fear about this is exaggerated, but its really not.
Many people disregard skin cancer as just a mole removal and all is supposedly well again. Tell that to those families who lose a loved one from Melanoma cancer every hour in the United States.
Its such an aggressive cancer and can spread so fast through the entire body. It can metastisize and end up in the brain and lungs... This is what malignant melanoma tends to do, thats why yearly / monthly CT's and PET scans are done. Scary as can be! You might even be fine after surgeries and special chemo treatments ( as it doesnt respond to typical chemo and radiation as other cancers do) for years then it can just pop up again even worse usually when it comes back and the fight is harder than ever.
I have learned so much and feel so much for all cancer patients, and especially feel bad of how melanoma is not out there enough in the public for people to understand. Its barely talked about. Its deadly and must be caught early!!
The public must take it seriously as with any other cancer.
I will do better tomorrow I am sure, each day brings new fears but its the waiting thats getting to me now. I just hope to hear when this is all over that it's benign. I never thought I would be in this scary situation. Whenever I heard that dermatologist change his tone of voice after looking closely at my mole, and then said if its not benign, i will be needing more surgery, well that was a bit overwhelming!... I really hate surgery!
Its no longer just an ugly mole, its something the dermatologist took serious enough to want to remove the entire thing for a biopsy :(
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